im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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