Banned from zoo.
Again?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
