just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
