I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
