I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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