her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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