Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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