The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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