just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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