Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
