you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
