Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize