my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hippo gnu deer
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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