Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
