My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
