ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
