So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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