She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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