i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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