i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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