Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
