Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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