yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
