you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
smell my finger.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Randomize
