I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
