We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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