Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
