Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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