Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I have post one night stand depression
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
