he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
