You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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