The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
