apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
