My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
