I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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