Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
no, he came in my armpit
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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