We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
