I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
