what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
