you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
