I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
