Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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