she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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