Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
A bitchslap is in order.
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