I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
