Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
