were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
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You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize