i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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