hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
No more Irish car bombs ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
