Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think i peed on brittanys purse
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
