I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
