If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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