I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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