Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
