You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When are your genitals available?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
