He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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