What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
