There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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