I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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