he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
All the doctor said was why
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
