dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
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I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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