i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
