Life is so much better after having sex.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
