And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
