i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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