I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
