Why is your signature on my underwear?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
