Need sex. Gaining weight.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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