He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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