Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
