no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
