also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
