yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
